Dear Precious Little One,

Today would have been your tenth birthday.

I remember how excited your dad and I were when we found out we were expecting you!

We’d waited five years to begin a family so that I could finish up graduate school across the country.

Before I left for my last summer of school, your dad and I were disappointed when a home pregnancy test confirmed that I wasn’t yet carrying you.

But as it turned out, you had already started forming inside of my tummy.

I remember feeling different while I was away.  Everything seemed to smell ten times stronger! 

When your dad flew to meet me after school ended and to drive the ten hours home with me, I told him that I had a feeling that we were going to be parents soon.

Sure enough, a visit to the doctor’s office confirmed that I was pregnant.  We were elated and couldn’t wait to tell the rest of the family!

Your dad threw a “graduation” party for me but, really, it was a party to announce that we were expecting the newest member of the family–you!   

As we gathered around the table holding hands to offer a blessing, your dad thanked God for the food, for my completed graduate work… and for the arrival of Baby Kalling!

It was so much fun watching everyone’s surprised and happy reactions!  We were all excited and couldn’t wait to meet you. 

It was fun to imagine what you would be like–whether you were a boy or a girl, if you would have your dad’s bright blue eyes and crazy sense of humor (although to be fair, you could have gotten the latter from either side of the family!).  

You were loved right from the very start.  

We knew that God had formed and ordained your life even before you began in my womb (Jeremiah 1:5 & Psalm 139:15).

And it was that love that carried us through what would happen next.

I started spotting one morning.  Knowing that spotting can be a normal part of pregnancy, I tried to find reassurance that all was well.  But by day’s end, I knew something wasn’t right.  That evening, as I experienced excruciating cramping and bleeding, screaming in protest, I knew that we were not going to get to meet you or hold you this side of Heaven.  

Your dad and I were heartbroken.  I remember your protective dad also being angry, as if this was a personal attack against his family.  Even though it wasn’t, it sure felt like it was personal, because we were losing you.

 

A call from the doctor’s office the next day confirmed our worst fear. You were no longer with us.

 

Through all this heartache, we knew where you were and that you were perfectly safe—in the arms of our Everlasting Father.  I can’t imagine a better place for you to grow up than in Heaven.

But your dad and I are human, and so of course, we wanted you here with us.

It sure makes Heaven sweeter knowing that you are there. We can’t wait to meet you someday! You have two little fun-loving sisters that are just gems (and hams!) but I’m sure you already know that.   You’ve probably watched a few of their antics from up above!

April 8 was your due date. Your Grandma Kalling had planted some daffodils earlier that year in your memory. I remember when your due date approached, we had flowers that were already in bloom by late March.  Except for the daffodils that your grandma planted.  I remember feeling offended that your flowers hadn’t bloomed yet.  Then, on April 8, your daffodils opened up.  I cried at this simple yet profound act of love from Above.

Dear Precious Little One, please know that we love you and we look forward to being together as a family someday!

With much love and anticipation,

Your Mom

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 thoughts on “Dear Precious Little One,

    1. Thank you, Ami! You were actually the first person other than Mike to know about this precious little one 🙂 We’d just found out that we were pregnant and hadn’t told anyone–and I kept asking you all these questions about pregnancy. You were smart enough to figure it out! 😉

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